Walt Darling And A Brief History Of Kissing

Introduction

You know how when you introduce yourself and right away you can just tell that stranger has forgotten your name but it doesn’t matter because you’ve also forgotten theirs? Then whenever you pass in the future, say dropping your kids off at preschool, you wave in the church parking lot and say, “Good to see you!” and they reply, “Have a great day!” and each of you find you don’t really need to know the other’s name to be friendly.

What a wonderful world.

Sincerely!

I won’t ever lie to you. Not intentionally. And not through wink-wink sarcasm. Why bother saying anything at all if what you’re saying isn’t the truth?

Which brings me back to where I began: no one forgets my name.

Walt Darling.

First name first: Walt. Not Walter. That was my grandfather, my dad’s dad. My parents named me and my siblings each after a relative; they wanted to keep family names going with each new generation, but they changed the spelling to make us unique. So, my brother Robert was named after my mom’s dad, Rob. My sister Eliza was named after my mom’s mom, Elizabeth.

In case you’re wondering, when it came time to name my daughter, my wife and I named her after a tree. But that happens long after the end of this story.

And now, my last name. Oh wow. Where to start?

Existence precedes essence, yes, of course, and nurture over nature, but some names, for good or ill, some names define their owner.

Can you imagine a skinny Rocco? Or a cowardly Samson? How about a sickly Thor?

No way, right?

But wait! There’s always an exception to the rule, right? Nature finds a way. Or, God likes to laugh.

Whatever!

That’s me.

So, picture a Romeo who sticks his hands in his pockets and looks down whenever he is surrounded by pretty girls. Picture a Don Juan whose thoughts stumble out his awkwardly grinning mouth when his crush smiles at him.

Picture Walt Darling thinking everything wrong in the world would be all right if only some girl would love him but he’s goofy and more every girl’s friend than any girl’s lover.

Walt Darling.

That’s me.

And this?

This is the story of how the girl of my dreams, the love of my life, this is the story of how she turned out to be nothing at all like I imagined and nowhere near where I expected to meet her. I want to share it with you because I think it might give you hope when your heart falters, when you feel you will never find love, when you begin to suspect that the idea of love is a cruel lie and there is no one who will ever care about you and that every song and every story promising everyone a happy ending is a cruel joke whose punch line is no one will ever be loved and never has.

Because there was a time, not so long ago, that I doubted I would ever love or ever be loved. And you, my dear precious son, are proof of how wrong I was.

Yes, eventually this will be the story of how I met your mother. But don’t tell her I’m telling you! She’d hate to know I’m sharing the details of the many romantic humiliations I suffered before we met.

But it’s also the story of how no matter how alone you feel, how dumb you appear when you try to express emotions of affection, how hard it hurts when every dance passes and you have no one to hold when your favorite song plays, how pain upon pain, will you ever know the wonder of your hand on a welcoming breast, this is the story to give you hope.

Yes. Yes, someday, you will.

This is the story to say, hey, wait, it’s okay. You’re okay. You’ll love when you’re ready. But maybe, like me, you might not be as ready as you think.

I love you, son.

I hope these stories will make you laugh.

I hope these stories will keep you from giving up.

(This is the end of the Introduction)

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Yes, this is the intro to what I’m hoping is a monthly-ish serialized story. Is it romance? Is it coming-of-age? Is it humor? Is it existential love-sickness unto death? Yes, yes, yes, and yes. Comments are open so feel free to tell me to add more sound details, more taste details, more touch details, and/or more inner angst details. Not every chapter will have kissing. But the next chapter will have (almost) kissing.

Also! Coming soon! I’m super excited! I’m writing the first chapter in the Great Substack Story Challenge 2! It’s a collaborative fiction relay, featuring the work of ten different authors, each responsible for a single chapter in a complete story, each to be written in only a week. Expect my contribution to kick it off on January 18th.

The Great Substack Story Challenge - Part TWO