Really like this, Wil. I especially like how many of the sentences are phrased as questions, which sort of diminishes the guilt of the situation. I found this to be very effective, and wonder if there's a couple more places where you could rephrase into questions.
I love the green light in P2 so much that I'd love to see it in P1 with yellow/red.
I like the ending “…I don’t care. He’s fine. [????]. Standing.”
For me, "standing" is so powerful to end on because it implies this justification--see, he is getting by enough, see, he is standing, but on the other hand, just standing is not really that great, is it? It's not thriving.
Greedy/Ungrateful/Constant feel a bit abstract for me, but if I had to choose, I'd pick "ungrateful".
All in all, a relatable conundrum written both vividly and within the restrictions! Great work!
Really like this, Wil. I especially like how many of the sentences are phrased as questions, which sort of diminishes the guilt of the situation. I found this to be very effective, and wonder if there's a couple more places where you could rephrase into questions.
I love the green light in P2 so much that I'd love to see it in P1 with yellow/red.
I like the ending “…I don’t care. He’s fine. [????]. Standing.”
For me, "standing" is so powerful to end on because it implies this justification--see, he is getting by enough, see, he is standing, but on the other hand, just standing is not really that great, is it? It's not thriving.
Greedy/Ungrateful/Constant feel a bit abstract for me, but if I had to choose, I'd pick "ungrateful".
All in all, a relatable conundrum written both vividly and within the restrictions! Great work!
Ooooh. I'ma try this technique. Thanks for sharing. 😋