On the Unfathomable Generosity of Chuck Palahniuk

In one of Chuck Palahniuk’s recent books¹, a character says porn feels like church should. I’m probably paraphrasing, but if you’ll allow me to paraphrase even further, Chuck Palahniuk gives like a pastor should. Signed books, writing advice, life advice, encouraging words, social events, attention, and more. I suspect he prefers not to be pedestaled, but I propose that if only one in five of his fans gave as generously as him, then the market share of Ativan would plummet; sales of ribbons, gift boxes, and glitter would skyrocket; prisons would be converted to public art galleries; and no one would hunger.

Long before he started interacting with his fans on his incredibly informative and entertaining Substack, I could praise on endlessly about how generous and supportive he could be.

I’d ask, have you read him? I know people who do not read for fun, except for his books; he engages the self-proclaimed ‘non-readers’ to stay up late, turning the pages of his novels.

I’d ask, have you seen him read? He throws out candy bags. He delights to make men faint. Or cry!² He tosses out signed severed arms. He poses fists up for cell phone photos with you.

I’d ask, have you written him? He accepts fan mail during certain windows. He wrote me a personal note and made me a personal necklace! The beads are magic! To help me meet my goals!

I’d ask, have you read his craft advice? He shares tips and tricks and my writing is miles improved because of him.

And more. I would go on and on.³

And now that he has a Substack? The advice continues, but with the value add of maybe he will personally respond to your question (or smart-ass joke).⁴ Or thoughts on the moral necessity of writing shocking stories that reach reluctant readers⁵.

And now that he has a Substack? He critiques his readers’ submitted stories and shares his advice for everyone’s writing to improve!

And now that he has a Substack? He shares pics of his dog, his castle, of his window view.

And if you’re in Portland? He set up a live reading series for you to road test your work. And if you’re still in Portland? He hosts an in-person writing workshop.

I could go on and on. I will go on and on.

His kindness and attention and availability make me want to be a better dad and a better husband and, least of all, but still present, a better writer - so someday I can be as generous with my fans as he is with his.

Thanks Chuck. I hope your porn and your church are as good to you as you are to us.

1. Help me out, is it Invention of Sound or Adjustment Day or both? I want to say both, but I only remember the simile, not the context.

2. I was one of those weeping men when he read Zombie in Baltimore, where wearing his pajamas, because a bus of kids were late, the event was delayed and instead of shortening the reading portion (because, again, he is so generous), he read a bonus story, so my wife got to hear Guts aloud. She didn’t faint, but she did decline to see him again when he came through DC in support of Make Something Up.

3. And in future posts, I will go on and on!

4. The dopamine hit when my phone alerts me that the Chuck Palahniuk has commented on something I said is greater than discovering the porn stars of my youth have released new content or that a prophet’s feverish scribbles over 2000 years ago speak to my immediate present day doubts.

5.